Our students crack us up. Here are a few examples why:

The latest:

Hannah (age 15):  You don’t understand how erotic my mother is!
Tutor: Did you say your mother is “neurotic?”
Hannah:  No, she’s erot . . .  Wait.  That’s not the right word, is it?
Tutor: Erratic?
Hannah: Yeah.  She's that.

Jane (age 17)
The tutor asked Jane what was the best book she'd read this year (because she's always complaining that she hates the books she has to read for English). After thinking for a while . . .
Jane (age 17): "Well, I would've liked Toni Morrison's Song of Solomon if I knew what it was talking about!"

When going over her college application essays, the tutor told Jane that for someone who hates literature, she's a really good writer (which she is).  She then exclaimed, "Well it's not that I hate literature, it's that literature hates me!"   

Tutor:  "Wow, it sounds like you got a lot out of that program and really learned something!" (speaking about a student's summer experience with an international program and trying to get her excited for her school year during the first day of summer tutoring)
Molly (16):  "Yeah it was great." (matter of factly trying to squash tutor's enthusiasm)
Tutor: "Two words: International Relations" (suggesting a possible course of study in college and still trying to get her excited).
Molly (16): "But I don't want to study International Relations ... I want to be a housewife!" (completely tongue-in-cheek and meant to shut tutor up)
 
Amanda (age 14): "Sometimes you just HAVE to say something out loud before you realize it's stupid"
  
Eddie is in fourth grade and is struggling with his times facts.  His grandma taught him a hand trick for the times-nine facts, and he was excited about it.  She said, "You should teach your class how to do that tomorrow.  They'll think you are the smartest kid in the class!"  Eddie replied, "Oh, they already know I am.  I've been to kindergarten twice!"

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Archives:

Will (age 15) "Those are VERY depraved electrons." (Commenting on the "cohabitation" nature of electrons in naturally occurring H2)

Julie (age 10) -- when I asked what her tutor could do to help her with spelling:
"You can tell the guys who created the English language that they made it too hard."

Jake (14) - "I'm poised to disappoint."

Ed: (9): God came before the dinosaurs. And Jesus. Well, maybe not Jesus. Just God and his mom.

John: “I don’t WANT to get them ALL right, ‘cuz then I’m a geek!” (Age 12)_

Hilary: “I want to see how long it takes me to beat myself.” (Age 14)_

Marisa: “My writing stinks. Can’t I just WARN the teacher instead of trying to improve?” (Age 16)_

Sara: “If you’re normal, something is wrong with you.” (Age 17)_

Wade: “I’m appendix…I mean ambidextrous!” (Age 11)_

Katie: “QWERTY is like nasal spray; it’s a clarifying experience.” (Age 17)

Tutor: What's the difference between an autobiography and a biography?-Chad (age 12): “One is stuff telling you about cars and the other is telling you about human beings. No wait, that's biology. Biography is the study of everything else.”

A vocabulary test item asks, "What do people usually do with a yacht?" _Jesse (age 14): “PARTY, Dude!”

Another item asks, "Where do we usually find an eclipse?" _Clayton (age 12): “In the store with the candy and gum.”
“This would be a lot easier, if it was [sic] easier.”_Niko aka “Captain Obvious,” (age 17)

"Eli," age 8: [Points to the bottom of the room air-conditioner] “Air from the room goes in here, {Waves arms around} then it goes through here where’s it’s all snow and stuff, [Points to the top] then it comes out cold here.””

"Josh," age 9: [Asked by his tutor what “puckering” means] “It’s like squinting your lips.”

“Martha,” 2nd grade: {When asked what she'll be doing this summer} “I’ll be going to a Marine Science camp. You get to catch some fish and digest them." (Maybe she meant "dissect?")

“Chloe” (age 8). “I just want to be one age.
Tutor: What age would that be?
Chloe (without hesitation): Three!
Tutor: Why?
Chloe (beaming): I looked the cutest, I had the funnest, and we had chickens!

“Ted” age 9: [Reading about Houdini’s ability to escape under water} “Oh my gosh! He would make a perfect savelifer.”

Ashleigh (15): [on Michael] “You’re not like a tutor. You’re more like a guy who knows stuff!”

Dan (14): [on his “impeccable record”] "I always got my homework done except when I forgot.”

Clay (12): [on the tutor’s suggestion that there might be an easier way to solve the problem] "But I like doing it the hard way!"

Jeremy (18): [on adult advice] "When they're wrong all the time, it doesn't help to listen."

Lexie (17): [on being distracted] "I'm sorry. You got me disfocused."

Kevin (12): [on how to be a better typist] "BE the keyboard!"

"Carter," age 7: "Cheeses is in Heaven and so is God. But God is not dead like the other people. He's the Boss of Heaven."

"Sam," age 7: [His tutor drew a picture of a pig with a dollar bill to illustrate the reading words, "a rich pig."] Sam suggested, "Let's draw George Washington on that. No, wait. Let's draw the guy on the hundred dollar bill. Wait, I don't know who that is. You know, the old man. Wait, I know. Let's draw the guy on the ten dollars because when you get to ten dollars, you're rich.”

9th grader: "All right, I basically got it....kind of....not really."

“Thomas” age 8: "My grandmother is old, sixty or sixty-one. She's VERY old!"

Michelle (age 16): "I'm REALLY confused...I don't know WHAT to do with myself when I actually understand something!"

Allie (age 15): "If I didn't do something, I'd have nothing to do."